Living With A Difficult Husband

Poster Child for “Living with a difficult Husband who is crazy fun” Just for the record that is NOT a stain on his shirt but a rain drop. It was raining that day. 

Not everyone has the perfect husband. What’s that you say? You know! You say you’re living with a difficult husband? Now I want you to understand the difference between a difficult husband and a DIFFICULT husband!

While having a discussion with your husband, you are telling him something SO heartfelt. Does he stop you and say “I could really care less about what you are saying”?  Sometimes that happens to me. I would say that is a difficult husband.

In “my former life as a wife” aka my last marriage there were unspeakable things that happened. One evening my 4 little children and I returned home to find our other vehicle parked in the middle of the yard packed with weird junk and a cross on the steering wheel and no driver. After putting the children to bed “he” made an appearance on the back porch fully visible through my sliding glass doors wild eyed, dirty and crazy on drugs. I was scared out of my whits. I will spare you every minute of this tragic story but there were knives held to throats, followed by wild police searches through the house and yard then 10 minutes after his arrest constant calling on the phone. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN WHEN HE IS IN POLICE CUSTODY?!?! This, I would say, is a DIFFICULT husband and I wished I could say that was the only situation and that it had ended there.

What is my BIG secret for surviving a DIFFICULT husband? As a wife, thankfully we have the best resources available to us for comfort, advice and real life experiences…Each other! It is important we share with our closest girlfriends, mothers, sisters (NOT YOUR CO-WORKERS OR CASUAL FRIENDS) and ask their advice, listen to their aspect of the situation, how do they do it? Not every woman is as wonderful as a wife as you are so beware that not all advice is good advice.

Okay…This is even more of a Secret…Your Father! He is also the BEST resource for advice on certain situations. Don’t go asking him about “Date Night” because he will run from the house screaming….Sorry that I know this from personal experience. Sorry Daddy!

I want to tell you something that is going to FREAK out the most respectful Mothers and Grandmothers. Now keep an open mind here….DO NOT, for one second, think that you are doing your children or even yourself a service by staying with a DIFFICULT husband. When I lived in the situation I did, with my precious little children, I stayed because I thought it was the right thing. I didn’t want my children to think parents are disposable. I had very good intentions that caused long and lasting damage to the children and myself. YOU DO NOT DESERVE to be treated that way. YOUR PRECIOUS CHILDREN DESERVE better. Your family WILL support your decision! THERE ARE places to go and people who will help you! CALL ME (904) 451-1445! I WILL help you! DON’T STAY!

Now…living with a difficult husband can be fun and exciting! My Big Daddy is not perfect (don’t tell him that because I tell him everyday that he is!) but I wake up everyday getting loved on and go to bed everyday getting loved on. He is very generous and kind and handsome and EXCITING! Which proves my point that there is life after LIFE!

After sharing my Sunday Morning post with Big Daddy he says he wants to start a blog dedicated to Living With A Difficult Wife. HA HA! I told him he doesn’t know what “difficult” is but I could show him! LOL!

Happy Sunday! Don’t make the bed today and enjoy the day with YOUR husband!

A Terrible Thing Happened To A Beautiful Woman

A terrible thing happened to a beautiful woman. Some years ago a feisty young woman found herself on the streets of south Florida. Sophia was tall, thin, well built, attractive and had lots of time on her hands with nothing to do but find trouble for herself. Of course there was lots of attention from the young men who would cross her path from time to time. Her younger sister, finally tired of the instability contacted Child Protective Services and requested a Foster family for herself. Sophia was left to weather the storms of a young life alone. She stumbled through the next few years with no guidance, no love, no direction.

I have always said “you can’t help who you are”. Sophia was a strong woman, she knew she wanted more for herself. She made a conscious decision to dress better, she wanted people to take her seriously. She decided to surround herself by people who also wanted more for themselves. She joined a church. Throughout her life she had come in contact with women who appeared to have the type of life she craved. What was that? The “type of life they lived”. She explained to me she wanted to be surrounded by lots of girlfriends who took pride in themselves and were supportive of one another. Above all she wanted and desperately craved a family. Her Mother battled with mental illness her whole life and could barely care for herself. Sophia’s sister is quite a bit younger than she is, she did her best to help take care of her but how does a child care for another child? It really was the best thing for her sister and turned out to be the best for her as well. Now Sophia could concentrate on herself.

After joining a local church she found the type of family she craved. Of course everyone embraced her! She threw herself into her religion, she got a respectable job, she dressed like a lady, she transformed herself into someone she could be proud of. It wasn’t just an act, she explained to me. It WAS a complete transformation. You have the ability to be anything and anyone you want! You just have to decide to do it. Before long she met a very handsome promising young man. They married, after a few years of settling into a new home and into married life they decided they wanted to have a child. Sophia first had a little boy followed 5 years later by a precious, mushy little girl. She had everything she could ever dream of. Because her husband was a good financial provider she was able to be a stay at home Mom and was afforded the time to attend church even though he was not a member of the church. We used to joke that if someone new moved into the neighborhood it was a race between her and her husband to meet them first. He would be inviting them to hang out in the back yard to get high and she was trying to “save” them.

Sophia spent many hours at the kids school as a room mom. A beautiful spring day while volunteering at the school the lady across from the table from her threw down her scissors, starred Sophia in the face and blurted out “your husband has a girlfriend, has had a girlfriend for quite a few years and everyone knows about it”. Sophia just sat there stunned, afraid to move. She told me she refused to ask the lady how she knew or any specifics of it out of shear embarrassment. She went home and called “a meeting of the girlfriends” for support and to help her form a plan. I was AMAZED at what she came up with after hearing the suggestions from our little group. I recall a mention of maiming, someone said a flogging was in order, I myself may have thrown in a nice recipe of something that might make him a wee bit sick but not fatal. Her plan…We were to take the children home for the night, she was going to give herself a good cry, recover enough to get showered, dressed and make dinner. She was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him if it were true. If indeed it was true she would give him 6 months to go get over it and resume their lives together. Of course, he couldn’t live with the other woman but 6 months, she felt was enough time for both of them to recover and be able to work it out.

Steve came home to a beautifully dressed wife and a hearty meal. They sat down to a lovely dinner and (he) enjoyed the meal right up until the time she began asking about the “other” woman. Now, don’t you know what he did next….ADMITTED IT! She gave him his options, your family or the “other” woman…HE CHOSE THE STINKIN’ OTHER WOMAN! Sophia did what any respectable wife of a cheating husband should do…divorced the man and made sure she and the children were well taken care of! Before you get “all upset” thinking that divorce is never the answer, especially for a christian woman consider this; She still gave him the 6 months! She kept her household and children in order as if nothing had changed. She MADE sure he was still a part of the children’s daily lives and NEVER spoke bad about him to her children. Her children kept their rooms clean, did their little chores, behaved very well and accepted their punishment when they misbehaved. Amidst the personal tragedy she outwardly kept it together and her children’s lives were left in tact. She NEVER allowed the children’s Father to skimp on his duties or responsibilities. She did cry long and hard every private moment she had. My heart still breaks to this day remembering those late nights. Her reasoning was Steve was a good father, good provider and still cared for his family and wife.

Some years later Sophia met another handsome promising but much older man who had also lost his spouse through the same situation. They married, raised the children to be successful, responsible adults and even built an apartment for her mother so they could care for her. She lives the MOST amazing life thanks to her want and need of a better life. A strong Woman, a good Wife, a great Girlfriend!

P.S. Sophia’s sister is also a successful woman. She was placed with a very good family and was afforded the best education, traveled to several countries and even studied in Paris! She is another example of someone who wanted better for herself and did it!

My secret to you would be…The best form of revenge when faced with this type of tragedy is personal success!