Stupid Stuff He Said This Week…

I have always told Big Daddy, “What men say and what women hear are two different things”. After an incredibly stupid statement, I decided to keep track of a few key “stupid stuff” this week just to give you an example.

What he said was : “You can’t even dress this bathroom up and hang a towel on the bar”.

What I heard was : You never bother to clean this bathroom, even something as simple as hanging a towel on the bar!”

What he meant was : Allie Sparkles (our spunky 24 year old daughter with special needs) keeps her bathroom dirty and it doesn’t even get the towels put out to dress it up. (I know this because I asked him)

Allie Sparkles, she shines...she is a lot of work

Allie Sparkles, she shines…she is a lot of work

What was actually happening : Big Daddy NEVER goes on Allie Sparkles’ side of the house and doesn’t see that she ALWAYS keeps it neat and tidy. I just happen to be doing a deep cleaning and had things strewn all over the counter and the towels in the floor along with the dirty clothes from her bedroom.

What was going to happen : Dripping with sweat and the smells of cleaner, I stood up with toilet brush in hand ready to strike and give him the “What for!!!”

What he should have said (according to all my close girlfriends, I know…because I asked!) : “Wow! You sure are working hard in here, I bet if Allie Sparkles kept her bathroom straight and dressed it up you wouldn’t have to work SO hard.” 

How did it end ? I stood up with toilet brush in hand, dripping with sweat, smelling like bathroom cleaner with toothpaste in my hair and smiled. I TOLD HIM… “Honey, it never looks like this, she keeps it pretty neat. I am just doing a bit of deep cleaning, didn’t you see me doing this to our bathroom a few minutes ago?!?!” Smile and wink!

Sometimes they need that! Oh the things I could have done with that toilet brush!

Seriously, I think Big Daddy has a knack for these things…There is more!

What he said was : “Hey, That is only a 52″ screen”

What I heard was : “You are SO fat that I can’t even see the television screen”

What was actually happening : I was getting dressed for the day IN A REALLY CUTE DRESS, He was laying down, watching the stupid news and wasn’t listening to what I was telling him (something important I am sure). So, I ran over, jumped on the bed and sat on top of him. He just leaned over to look around me to continue watching television.

What was going to happen : I have two major rules, NEVER call me fat or old! I was in a perfect position to clobber him!

What he should have said : “You sure look cute this morning, what can I do for you today?”

We all know where the cake is going anyhow!

We all know where the cake is going anyhow!

How did it end ? I smooched him up and said “I was trying to tell you something important, do you want me to wait here while you finish your show or do you want to hear it now?” Wouldn’t you know, he let me tell him what was SO important and he got to finish his program!

Just this morning there was yet another statement I could consider “stupid stuff”.

What he said was : “You always make your job harder, Why didn’t you just steam my shirts along with yours”.

Now, does this look like the type of man who NEVER gets his shirts steamed? Think NOT!

Now, does this look like the type of man who NEVER gets his shirts steamed? Think NOT!

What I heard was : “You are not very smart, why couldn’t you have steamed all the shirts together”.

What was actually happening : I wake up very early and try to get all my quiet “chores” done before everyone wakes up. I love my morning times alone! This morning I was up at 5:30am folding clothes and steaming them. (Huge tip BTW, steam/iron clothes as soon as they are out of the dryer, saves you tons of time later and it is actually easier). He got up a bit later and didn’t see what I had done. I steamed all of the clothes together but was putting mine away first. He DIDN’T see his shirts and ASSUMED that they weren’t done, which NEVER happens!

What was going to happen : It took two milliseconds for me to come up with a mental scenario where I took all of his shirts, threw them out the back door, let the dogs trample them and hung them up in the closet…dirty!

What he should have said : “I have a shirt I picked out to wear today, if you don’t get to mine I don’t mind doing them later” (even if he had NO intention of doing them! The comment alone would warrant me wanting to do them after such a sweet statement.)

How did it end ? After a little chuckle to myself I smiled and said ” Darling, Do you think I would do my shirts without thinking of you first” (Cheesy I know! But I think it got my point across in a way that he understood). Besides, I did feel much better after the mental pic of him seeing his shirts dirty, hanging in the closet. Hee! Hee! Note : if you are from the south you would know that “Darling” is not always used in a sweet, adoring way even if it sounds that way.

I know you don’t have all day for me to list EVERYTHING Big Daddy said this week that I considered to be listed under the “stupid stuff” category so I will just list the highlights. Seriously, I can’t make this stuff up!

He said “What did you do with my shoes?” I was thinking… Well, after I wore them today I put them…. WHAT?

He asked “What’s for dinner tonight? I said “I planned for us to have Lasagna, NO? Okay, what about Taco Salad…NO? Would you like Burgers? hhhmmmm NO? Meatloaf?!?! What do you want to have?” and what do you think he said ? “I don’t know, figure something out”. SERIOUSLY!

My all time favorite …… “Just how much weight have you gained?” THESE ARE FIGHTING WORDS AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED!!!!!

What is the secret? Consider the source, They can’t help it AND when in doubt just smile and wink. It is far easier to recover from that than an hour fighting about what you think he said! Trust me!

Love the man! I do!

I bet, if you tried “real” hard you could come up with something too…..

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It Smells Good + Looks Good = It MUST Be Good!

Let’s just say….For the sake of argument….you have been at the pool ALL day with your girlfriends because the weather has been SSOOO stinkin’ nice while your Big Daddy has been slavin’ away at work. You just happen to notice the time and the fact that you are out of something really great to drink because your girlfriends have finished off your cooler, note to self: bring more “cooler action”.

Holy Schnikes! Big Daddy is going to be home in less than an hour and I …I mean you haven’t done a thing (Stupid Florida sunshine and beautiful days!) ! NO straightening of the house, NO dinner plans, NO clean clothes, etc…. What ever is a girl to do? Well, you have come to the right place!

Apparently, I have been doing this for quite a few years. My poor children will tell you we have PERFECTED the 10 second tidy. Before you scoff and “turn me off” thinking “What? another way to organize your house deal”. No such thing. This is a tried and true method to get you out of trouble FAST! Heck! I even use it in place of working out at the gym for hours like my stupid, really in shape and gorgeous girlfriends do.

Take care of immediate probs first, things you can see. Bedroom, Bathroom, Kitchen, Floors,  YOU are the key areas. Quick grab a laundry basket to throw things in and put away later as well as a garbage bag. Start with your bedroom – it is the first place he will go to to throw his shoes in the floor. Make the bed, pick up the dirty clothes, throw the garbage in your bag. Next the bathroom – guys are generally painfully predictable. Squirt some toilet blow cleaner in the bowl/give it a  and give it a quick swirl with the brush, spray down cabinets / sink with anything that smells good and wipe off. Empty the can (in your handy dandy bag you are carrying. Throw anything you can into a drawer or put under the cabinet. Vacuum the room.

Kitchen Next – Make sure his favorite drink is nice and chilly! Throw him a drink in the fridge / freezer (if he is a beer guy) This will win you BIG, HUGE points if you don’t already do this and takes away from anything you didn’t do that you should have done! Clean out the dishwasher / load the dishwasher, Clear off the counter tops , spray and wipe down quickly with anything good and smelly. Vacuum the floors.

Throw in a load of laundry + sound effects = I have been working all day getting the house cleaned AND he will have clean “drawers” tomorrow cuz’ he didn’t have any this morning which is why you were all worried about the house in the first place when you left the pool, remember!

YOU – Jump in the shower , wash off all the tan lotion. You will want to get rid of ANYTHING that says you were at the pool. Sorry, I don’t have any fix for the beautiful tan you got today, you can use this to your advantage though! After you rinse off and throw on something cute, you are going to look mighty sexy making dinner with your BEAUTIFUL new tan, sexy outfit (the first thing you saw in your closet) and a frosty beverage for him. Don’t forget to squirt – I love that word! on something smelly yourself – it says “I have taken the time to get dressed for you”. Bwahahahahah!

Run to the fridge and throw something on the stove. This is where it gets a bit tricky! You have options though! Option 1 – Leftovers – You have to have a story to go along with it ESPECIALLY if he really didn’t like it the first time ’round. “I thought we’d have blah, blah, blah tonight so we can get to bed early, I have been thinking of you ALL day!” or “Oh Geez!, long day, thought we would have an easy dinner so we could watch (his favorite show / movie) together” both work well. Option 2 – Freezer action – grab something out of the freezer and throw it into the oven – even if it is not preheated – It will be smelling SOOO good as he comes through the door. It is going to take a LONG time for dinner to get ready so be prepared to spend some “quality” time with him taking away from the fact your frozen dinner is STILL in the oven. YOU HAVE TO COME UP WITH A QUICK appetizer while you guys are spending “quality” time together so he won’t get grouchy from hunger. Now this is key….set the table! Appearances are everything! Again – a set table = I have planned something great for you. Bwahahahah! Sorry I keep laughing!

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Do you see a trend? If it smells good, looks good, it MUST be good!

BIG, HUGE SECRET : If you plan on going to the pool today do your 10 second tidy and take something out for dinner first!

Happy Tuesday!

$800 Panties!

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Who doesn’t love rubbing the Bull’s Balls in the Financial District, New York!

My Sister just got $800 Panties…JUST THE PANTIES WERE $800! The Bra was another $800 and something dollars! Holy Bejoiles! I have tons of other things I could do with $1600! Like go on a trip!

When I first moved in with my husband we had a bit of a difference of opinion about finances. I have been a single Mom with 4 children who are all 11 months apart for most of my life. He was a successful bachelor most of his life. He used to tell me “We are not on a budget”. Not meaning we have tons of money to throw around but more like, we don’t have to second guess every basket of groceries we purchase. He was retired when we married and now thankfully, I am retired as well. At least from the 9am to 5pm job, now I work 24/7 (enter snicker here!). 

Oh Boy! Have I taught him some pretty neat tricks! Over the years he has come to appreciate the fact that I am frugal (but not cheap!). I never buy clothes for myself or my grands unless they are on clearance. I rarely spend money on impulse items, unless they are crafting supplies…someone has an obsession with crafting…wonder who???? Even then they are always on clearance. Okay, SO I am frugal and shop the clearance section, so what?!?! What is the big deal?!?! Don’t you even want to know why?!?!

Durty Nelly's Ireland! Bring a nappy! There is a reason they call it that!

Durty Nelly’s Ireland!
Bring a nappy! There is a reason they call it that!

I LOVE to travel! It takes money to travel! I need both! SSSSOOOO I keep a food journal everyday. I plan our meals , breakfast, lunch, dinners, uses for left overs, what worked, what didn’t, make sure we don’t have 4 days in a row that we have had Mexican or Hamburgery/chickeny/saucey meals too much, etc… I research ways to save electricity, clean with natural or household products, take care of our appliances so they run efficiently, ways to use dinner leftovers, shop clearance, blah, blah, blah. I keep a jar with all our change hidden away and even learned a new trick where you stash every $5 bill you get. Wow does that add up fast! I am always secretly planning my next trip. I go so far as to find ticket information and hotel info.

When I tell Big Daddy about what I am planning I usually approach it like this…”I was thinking…” He knows something is up…Because with me, something is ALWAYS up! Big Daddy is so proud of me for watching out for our money. He brags about me when I save a bunch of money on a big ticket item or negotiate a great price for something. What he doesn’t know is that I have an ulterior motive. WE ARE GOING ON A TRIP!

1500 feet down in the Rain Forest Mindo Ecuador. Yup! Also 1500 feet back up!

1500 feet down in the Rain Forest Mindo Ecuador. Yup! Also 1500 feet back up!

Now, I would love to wear $1600 worth of panties on my hiney but a trip would be far better!

I wonder where we will end up next?  Where would you go?

Turnin’ Me On Tuesday!

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You know what really turns me on?!?! Going to bed in a cozy, clean, good smelling bedroom with fresh sheets!

Now I am going to share a secret that not many women share ENTIRELY with their girlfriends. Take care of yourself first ! Now, I am sure your girlfriends tell you “Girl, take care of yourself !” What they don’t tell you, or what they may not even realize, is this… When you take care of yourself first you are taking care of him, by taking care of him, you are taking care of yourself! SAY WHAT!?!?

How you ask???? Well, let me tell you… Mondays are my Master Bedroom clean sheets day. I make it a habit to make my bed as soon as I get out of it. Now, Big Daddy jokes with his friends and says “I can not even get out of bed to go to the bathroom without returning to a made bed”. They all joke about what a “good wife” I am. Silly boys! It may appear that I am being a super wife when in reality I am ready to get up and get going with my day. If the bed is unmade then Big Daddy may think that is an invitation to get back in it and I won’t be able to get all the things I planned for him to do done. Following me?

Now on to the “Turnin’ Me On” part…. Right after dinner, when everyone is getting back to their television shows or enjoying sitting outside for a bit of evening conversation, I sneak into each room, quickly pick up, put out the jammies, put out fresh towels, fold down the beds and turn on the bedside lamp. AGAIN, while it may appear that I am such a dutiful wife / mother / hostess, I am in reality making my life a bit easier. Getting out of the door the next morning will be eased by everyone having all their things in their proper place. I just happen to enjoy getting out of the shower to fresh towels and slip into my jammies.  I just happen to love to go to bed in a freshly turned down bed! I can’t help it that it makes me look like a wonder woman! I am just taking care of myself…Oh and Big Daddy too!

So, take a minute to take care of yourself and let him think it is ALL about him!

What turns you on?